








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
772 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,042 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2064 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3427 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2025 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2526 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $345,407 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 189 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yappy Dawg Jimmy Time | 219 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Straight_Savage | 84 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cain? | 69 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | geek | 41 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | gobL1n | 40 | 0.23 | 1 min |





