








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
790 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,732 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 576 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1242 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 993 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 921 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $371,360 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1337 hax0r | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | Goobert | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | Greasy Milkman | 43% | 60 |
| #4 | Chet Fox | 39% | 79 |
| #5 | Bo Chandler | 34% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Greasy Milkman | 43% | 60 |
| #4 | Chet Fox | 39% | 79 |
| #5 | Bo Chandler | 34% | 32 |
| #6 | Broman | 34% | 50 |
| #7 | FoReVeR | 20% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Greasy Milkman | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Chet Fox | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Broman | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Bo Chandler | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chet Fox | 183 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | Broman | 89 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | FoReVeR | 73 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Bo Chandler | 58 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Greasy Milkman | 35 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FoReVeR | +3.42 | 78 | 71 |
| #2 | Greasy Milkman | +2.20 | 69 | 42 |
| #3 | Broman | +0.59 | 43 | 50 |
| #4 | Chet Fox | -0.20 | 49 | 50 |
| #5 | 1337 hax0r | -1.36 | 33 | 38 |





