








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1327 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,518 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 198 | 13% |
| Smokes | 425 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 533 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 362 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $500,642 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 163 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 47% | 51 |
| #2 | (chad) when does it get better | 38% | 50 |
| #3 | The Incredible Bulk | 37% | 19 |
| #4 | Vertigo Employee | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 47% | 51 |
| #2 | (chad) when does it get better | 38% | 50 |
| #3 | The Incredible Bulk | 37% | 19 |
| #4 | Vertigo Employee | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Incredible Bulk | 4 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Vertigo Employee | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | (chad) when does it get better | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | 35 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #2 | The Incredible Bulk | 34 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Vertigo Employee | 20 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | (chad) when does it get better | 14 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V̸̪͘l̸̺̏y̵͖͝a̶͝ͅd̷ | +0.61 | 39 | 42 |
| #2 | Vertigo Employee | -0.27 | 73 | 59 |
| #3 | marshall the town rat | -0.41 | 44 | 25 |
| #4 | The Incredible Bulk | -1.01 | 58 | 28 |
| #5 | (chad) when does it get better | -4.26 | 19 | 44 |





