








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 851 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 446 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 118 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,751 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9289 | 30% |
| Smokes | 7304 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 7024 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 7134 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,118,670 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 50 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeterSchmusig | 62% | 45 |
| #2 | b1oN | 59% | 37 |
| #3 | Sexygamer93 | 51% | 215 |
| #4 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 51% | 263 |
| #5 | Fsn | 50% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 27 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | 失败是成功之母 | 19 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | Crocodile Bundy | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Yolo MacSwaginator | 9 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Force™ | 8 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n0éL the UNprofessional | 1481 | 0.26 | 40 min |
| #2 | Sexygamer93 | 513 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #3 | Force™ | 481 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #4 | Fsn | 278 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #5 | Yolo MacSwaginator | 184 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PeterSchmusig | +3.88 | 81 | 51 |
| #2 | n0éL the UNprofessional | +2.36 | 42 | 71 |
| #3 | Force™ | +1.30 | 50 | 55 |
| #4 | b1oN | +0.62 | 49 | 55 |
| #5 | Sexygamer93 | +0.62 | 61 | 59 |





