








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 414 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 506 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3753 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,702 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1467 | 12% |
| Smokes | 3686 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2925 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4624 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,638,484 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 120 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | rija | 46% | 175 |
| #8 | rexest | 45% | 44 |
| #9 | rija | 45% | 89 |
| #10 | H.E. PennyPacker | 44% | 319 |
| #11 | Dismal | 42% | 226 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Touch It | 38 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Dismal | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | rija | 10 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | ♿AJ | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | rija | 7 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rija | 710 | 0.19 | 20 min |
| #2 | i cant think of anything | 681 | 0.11 | 20 min |
| #3 | Dismal | 599 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #4 | Touch It | 562 | 0.07 | 19 min |
| #5 | Phil Gould | 410 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rija | +3.55 | 72 | 66 |
| #2 | rexest | +3.26 | 78 | 62 |
| #3 | ♿AJ | +3.01 | 63 | 75 |
| #4 | Phil Gould | +2.50 | 70 | 62 |
| #5 | i cant think of anything | +1.81 | 64 | 56 |





