








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 320 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3040 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,989 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1051 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1714 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1983 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3241 | 41% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,062,576 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 763 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nastradamus | 112 | 0.0234 |
| #2 | NoochM | 50 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | Benny&TheJets | 43 | 0.0154 |
| #4 | Bunger? | 27 | 0.0130 |
| #5 | TRAMAMPOLINE | 19 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nastradamus | 734 | 0.15 | 21 min |
| #2 | SMALLBOYROY | 606 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #3 | NoochM | 479 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #4 | Bunger? | 257 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | Benny&TheJets | 218 | 0.08 | 5 min |





