








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1094 matches | ||
| Wingman | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 103 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




672 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9948 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 43,234 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12343 | 29% |
| Smokes | 11716 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 9921 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 9254 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,651,812 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1855 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoochM | 190 | 0.0123 |
| #2 | TheRealDamage | 57 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | SMALLBOYROY | 39 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | TRAMAMPOLINE | 36 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Ocean Breeze | 35 | 0.0073 |





