










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 913 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 293 matches | ||
| Premier | 222 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4696 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,366 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7087 | 33% |
| Smokes | 5890 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5181 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3208 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,328,061 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 560 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MayMay | 48% | 218 |
| #2 | DRUNKMAN | 48% | 352 |
| #3 | Sleep=Death | 47% | 173 |
| #4 | protein cigarette | 46% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MayMay | 48% | 218 |
| #2 | DRUNKMAN | 48% | 352 |
| #3 | Sleep=Death | 47% | 173 |
| #4 | protein cigarette | 46% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DRUNKMAN | 11 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | MayMay | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Sleep=Death | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | protein cigarette | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MayMay | 1253 | 0.26 | 32 min |
| #2 | DRUNKMAN | 869 | 0.11 | 16 min |
| #3 | Sleep=Death | 516 | 0.14 | 12 min |
| #4 | protein cigarette | 102 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chasticle(*aka Dr. Respect) | +1.40 | 61 | 57 |
| #2 | Sleep=Death | +0.87 | 86 | 52 |
| #3 | DRUNKMAN | +0.49 | 63 | 52 |
| #4 | MayMay | -0.35 | 67 | 66 |
| #5 | protein cigarette | -0.93 | 75 | 51 |





