








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1479 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 872 matches | ||
| Premier | 273 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9331 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 45,646 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9451 | 21% |
| Smokes | 11615 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 13837 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 10743 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,524,245 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 449 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MayMay | 51% | 446 |
| #2 | Sleep=Death | 50% | 454 |
| #3 | Chasticle(*aka Dr. Respect) | 48% | 352 |
| #4 | Prezid | 43% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MayMay | 51% | 446 |
| #2 | Sleep=Death | 50% | 454 |
| #3 | Chasticle(*aka Dr. Respect) | 48% | 352 |
| #4 | Prezid | 43% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MayMay | 23 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Chasticle(*aka Dr. Respect) | 15 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Sleep=Death | 5 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Prezid | 4 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MayMay | 2398 | 0.24 | 58 min |
| #2 | Chasticle(*aka Dr. Respect) | 1468 | 0.19 | 32 min |
| #3 | Sleep=Death | 1311 | 0.13 | 30 min |
| #4 | Prezid | 525 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleep=Death | +0.75 | 85 | 52 |
| #2 | Chasticle(*aka Dr. Respect) | +0.71 | 61 | 57 |
| #3 | DRUNKMAN | +0.64 | 65 | 50 |
| #4 | Prezid | +0.14 | 71 | 57 |
| #5 | MayMay | -0.44 | 65 | 65 |





