








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 315 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 150 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2872 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,483 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2381 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1876 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1599 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1627 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,370,018 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 674 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koshka | 53% | 38 |
| #2 | xsv- | 48% | 58 |
| #3 | blind | 48% | 52 |
| #4 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 45% | 112 |
| #5 | hyd | 44% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brm | 310 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #2 | hyd | 275 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | ☫ Đ⋀︎И乙 | 258 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | blind | 215 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #5 | pheer | 155 | 0.06 | 3 min |





