








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1365 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,600 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 583 | 22% |
| Smokes | 814 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 652 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 551 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $294,591 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 251 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 56% | 95 |
| #2 | DooMe | 53% | 17 |
| #3 | Doc.Goodikins | 45% | 71 |
| #4 | Han Hones! | 45% | 121 |
| #5 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | blueburstday | 40% | 25 |
| #7 | Loner | 38% | 40 |
| #8 | Barry McCockiner | 37% | 51 |
| #9 | BAMMY | 32% | 47 |
| #10 | Khai | 22% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doc.Goodikins | 15 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 10 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Han Hones! | 8 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 4 | 0.0143 |
| #5 | Barry McCockiner | 3 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | 156 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | DooMe | 36 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Han Hones! | 25 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #4 | Doc.Goodikins | 22 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Vlad Thunder Cock | 22 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vlad Thunder Cock | +5.92 | 85 | 50 |
| #2 | Not Er-Mah-Gerds | +3.33 | 83 | 64 |
| #3 | DooMe | +1.14 | 62 | 39 |
| #4 | Han Hones! | +0.61 | 59 | 24 |
| #5 | Spyder | +0.10 | 64 | 32 |





