








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 154 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1244 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 603 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 117 | 19% |
| Smokes | 88 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 225 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 173 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $92,025 of utility $24 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 141 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Khexxal | 48% | 86 |
| #2 | eMoney | 44% | 36 |
| #3 | SwiftSwim | 41% | 106 |
| #4 | Jish | 40% | 45 |
| #5 | Big Tony | 40% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Jish | 40% | 45 |
| #5 | Big Tony | 40% | 125 |
| #6 | Ryan Reynolds | 39% | 111 |
| #7 | Rambonomics | 39% | 31 |
| #8 | Squeaks | 30% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Khexxal | 14 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Ryan Reynolds | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | eMoney | 6 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | Big Tony | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | SwiftSwim | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Tony | 265 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #2 | Jish | 158 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | SwiftSwim | 142 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Ryan Reynolds | 53 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Khexxal | 33 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ROCKADAMS | +1.69 | 48 | 18 |
| #2 | Rambonomics | +1.17 | 29 | 30 |
| #3 | Squeaks | +1.07 | 61 | 63 |
| #4 | Big Tony | +0.54 | 40 | 58 |
| #5 | eMoney | -0.39 | 6 | 16 |





