








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 76 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
517 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,081 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 582 | 28% |
| Smokes | 562 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 455 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 482 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $181,385 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emens27 | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | bubis | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | lavr | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | juvis | 46% | 56 |
| #5 | Fart King | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | bubis | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | lavr | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | juvis | 46% | 56 |
| #5 | Fart King | 45% | 22 |
| #6 | SnB | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bubis | 2 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | juvis | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Fart King | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | juvis | 353 | 0.29 | 9 min |
| #2 | Fart King | 87 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | lavr | 60 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | bubis | 60 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | SnB | 40 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bubis | +2.49 | 86 | 54 |
| #2 | SnB | +0.55 | 66 | 58 |
| #3 | rev | -0.20 | 62 | 69 |
| #4 | lavr | -0.46 | 63 | 73 |
| #5 | juvis | -1.01 | 52 | 73 |





