








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
962 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1642 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1442 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1564 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1169 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $231,931 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bubis | 50% | 14 |
| #2 | rev | 46% | 56 |
| #3 | Fart King | 44% | 34 |
| #4 | lavr | 42% | 26 |
| #5 | SnB | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bubis | 50% | 14 |
| #2 | rev | 46% | 56 |
| #3 | Fart King | 44% | 34 |
| #4 | lavr | 42% | 26 |
| #5 | SnB | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lavr | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | bubis | 2 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | rev | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Fart King | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rev | 231 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #2 | Fart King | 129 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | lavr | 95 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | SnB | 93 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #5 | bubis | 60 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bubis | +2.49 | 86 | 54 |
| #2 | SnB | +0.82 | 66 | 59 |
| #3 | rev | -0.29 | 60 | 70 |
| #4 | lavr | -0.58 | 66 | 75 |
| #5 | juvis | -0.87 | 55 | 75 |





