








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 738 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 166 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Esplay | 34 matches | 1,585 | |
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 82 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




75 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5952 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,346 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4057 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1413 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 2656 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2220 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,664,133 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 619 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daetrip | 60% | 127 |
| #2 | Sjöö❤ | 56% | 152 |
| #3 | E-grill | 54% | 114 |
| #4 | kitchen destroyer | 54% | 94 |
| #5 | ℙ𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕤 | 53% | 165 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sjöö❤ | 14 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | daetrip | 9 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | ISS TH, BREAK FROM MM ツ | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | ℙ𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕤 | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | E-grill | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sjöö❤ | 555 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #2 | LordEndre^.^ | 336 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #3 | daetrip | 233 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | kitchen destroyer | 203 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | ISS TH, BREAK FROM MM ツ | 175 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ISS TH, BREAK FROM MM ツ | +3.72 | 79 | 52 |
| #2 | daetrip | +3.40 | 75 | 59 |
| #3 | Sjöö❤ | +2.02 | 64 | 63 |
| #4 | 𐂃𐂃 | +1.67 | 87 | 52 |
| #5 | kitchen destroyer | +1.18 | 60 | 55 |





