








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 84 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1074 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,800 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 393 | 14% |
| Smokes | 888 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 495 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1024 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $323,639 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Clean Goblin | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Crog | 63% | 27 |
| #3 | Sully | 52% | 98 |
| #4 | Snipestorm | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | JEXE | 49% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Sully | 52% | 98 |
| #4 | Snipestorm | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | JEXE | 49% | 90 |
| #6 | Bolar | 49% | 74 |
| #7 | Patsy | 47% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sully | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Bolar | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Patsy | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | JEXE | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Snipestorm | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JEXE | 439 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| #2 | Sully | 362 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | Bolar | 189 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Snipestorm | 180 | 0.31 | 4 min |
| #5 | Patsy | 164 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crog | +3.59 | 93 | 65 |
| #2 | Sully | +1.91 | 81 | 55 |
| #3 | Bolar | +1.05 | 47 | 61 |
| #4 | JEXE | -0.42 | 84 | 71 |
| #5 | Patsy | -0.71 | 42 | 64 |





