








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 93 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




93 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3541 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,820 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1815 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1875 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2935 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2195 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,087,065 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 357 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUSCH | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | tmelks | 58% | 66 |
| #3 | Mr.Epic114 | 57% | 152 |
| #4 | Yoda | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 51% | 188 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Yoda | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 51% | 188 |
| #6 | Teej | 50% | 18 |
| #7 | Max Keeble | 48% | 259 |
| #8 | Febreze Air Effects | 33% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 45 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Max Keeble | 41 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Mr.Epic114 | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | tmelks | 9 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | BUSCH | 5 | 0.0098 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Max Keeble | 562 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #2 | Mr.Epic114 | 491 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | tmelks | 256 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #4 | A Scrum-Diddly-Umptious Taco | 161 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | Yoda | 103 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUSCH | +2.58 | 73 | 69 |
| #2 | Yoda | +1.52 | 57 | 49 |
| #3 | tmelks | +1.44 | 66 | 59 |
| #4 | Mr.Epic114 | +1.11 | 58 | 57 |
| #5 | DogFighterDavid1956 | +0.39 | 69 | 53 |





