








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1344 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 207 matches | 2,080 | |
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,362 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3179 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2472 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3442 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2269 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,433,510 of utility $223 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 193 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gimme the boiii | 71% | 24 |
| #2 | xact | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | parow | 61% | 18 |
| #4 | ChuckBass^ | 61% | 97 |
| #5 | mIKAELP | 59% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | duvel | 52% | 27 |
| #16 | sycho #23 | 48% | 21 |
| #17 | Fornes | 46% | 39 |
| #18 | Daniii | 45% | 33 |
| #19 | stian.K | 43% | 21 |





