








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 136 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
821 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,493 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 805 | 32% |
| Smokes | 617 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 502 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 569 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $118,832 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MPAPPEEEE | 81% | 16 |
| #2 | =} | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | Soulfly carry | 73% | 11 |
| #4 | Håkon | 71% | 21 |
| #5 | Acock | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Noname | 55% | 11 |
| #7 | Noname | 50% | 4 |
| #8 | nicx | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | klyro | 40% | 5 |
| #10 | ^ | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MPAPPEEEE | 2 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Håkon | 100 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #2 | Soulfly carry | 50 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #3 | Noname | 45 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | klyro | 29 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #5 | MPAPPEEEE | 27 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Håkon | +3.98 | 94 | 74 |
| #2 | JT | +3.85 | 89 | 76 |
| #3 | =} | +3.42 | 85 | 68 |
| #4 | Soulfly carry | +3.16 | 83 | 66 |
| #5 | Noname | +1.55 | 82 | 64 |





