








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 290 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 92 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1686 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,710 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1027 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1357 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1218 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1108 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $359,192 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 78 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ fear | 88% | 8 |
| #2 | cypher | 78% | 9 |
| #3 | JT | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | jambo | 75% | 8 |
| #5 | 0009HPB7000 | 67% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | MisteM | 57% | 21 |
| #7 | smooya | 57% | 35 |
| #8 | Independent | 55% | 20 |
| #9 | bevvenator | 45% | 11 |
| #10 | Thomas | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smooya | 135 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | MisteM | 114 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #3 | Independent | 43 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | jambo | 41 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #5 | bevvenator | 39 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jambo | +4.18 | 97 | 54 |
| #2 | cypher | +4.17 | 92 | 66 |
| #3 | blameMVP | +3.47 | 92 | 72 |
| #4 | smooya | +2.40 | 94 | 67 |
| #5 | MisteM | +2.34 | 86 | 76 |





