










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 587 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 247 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 102 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4593 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,056 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3381 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2938 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4353 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4384 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $904,879 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2134 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | н1ѕ0кa ✯ н✗н | 64% | 25 |
| #2 | Ness | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | SΛShム\ | 52% | 21 |
| #4 | Phûûcc✔ | 50% | 54 |
| #5 | xpRim | 49% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | FLAGADA ツ | 47% | 87 |
| #10 | SpäceCäke | 47% | 43 |
| #11 | 神 Shen ☯ | 46% | 24 |
| #12 | AkA | 43% | 28 |
| #13 | R2 | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ness | 4 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | н1ѕ0кa ✯ н✗н | 4 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | FLAGADA ツ | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Zray | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | xpRim | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xpRim | 374 | 0.23 | 9 min |
| #2 | Phûûcc✔ | 330 | 0.29 | 10 min |
| #3 | SpäceCäke | 198 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | FLAGADA ツ | 187 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | asynchrone.SK# ✪ | 170 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ PsyckoPâtes | +3.20 | 82 | 71 |
| #2 | Ness | +2.02 | 90 | 63 |
| #3 | Zray | +1.62 | 83 | 62 |
| #4 | н1ѕ0кa ✯ н✗н | +1.16 | 68 | 44 |
| #5 | R2 | +0.80 | 76 | 69 |





