








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 792 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Wingman | 247 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4113 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,517 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2887 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3112 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 5486 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 4032 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,089,341 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 787 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harman | 60% | 47 |
| #2 | Mixtaflex | 53% | 83 |
| #3 | DZGNER | 50% | 380 |
| #4 | Jack. | 49% | 237 |
| #5 | Clydee. | 47% | 191 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DZGNER | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Jack. | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Clydee. | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Harman | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Mixtaflex | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clydee. | 975 | 0.23 | 25 min |
| #2 | Jack. | 865 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #3 | DZGNER | 783 | 0.12 | 22 min |
| #4 | Harman | 102 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mixtaflex | 100 | 0.05 | 2 min |





