








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 424 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 24 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
859 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,579 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 191 | 12% |
| Smokes | 513 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 500 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 375 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $369,486 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 182 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wilfurd | 45% | 29 |
| #2 | 0x | 36% | 61 |
| #3 | ☯Chicken Joe☯ | 29% | 28 |
| #4 | g henny | 26% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wilfurd | 45% | 29 |
| #2 | 0x | 36% | 61 |
| #3 | ☯Chicken Joe☯ | 29% | 28 |
| #4 | g henny | 26% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | g henny | 7 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | 0x | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | ☯Chicken Joe☯ | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wilfurd | 100 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #2 | 0x | 77 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | g henny | 32 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | ☯Chicken Joe☯ | 14 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wilfurd | +4.55 | 79 | 78 |
| #2 | 0x | +0.50 | 69 | 57 |
| #3 | Haydo | +0.07 | 63 | 41 |
| #4 | ☯Chicken Joe☯ | -1.59 | 67 | 46 |
| #5 | g henny | -2.82 | 67 | 48 |





