








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 46 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
796 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,435 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1180 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1171 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 887 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1197 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $324,660 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | funk | 9 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | olkku | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Shinkyo | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | punsku | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | sampo69 | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | funk | 462 | 0.23 | 15 min |
| #2 | Shinkyo | 443 | 0.31 | 12 min |
| #3 | olkku | 253 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | sampo69 | 108 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | the best asslander | 55 | 0.19 | 2 min |





