








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 211 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 268 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3021 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,356 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2531 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2919 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2500 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2406 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,126,858 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BAGELS- | 57% | 68 |
| #2 | Creamy Nut♛ | 57% | 28 |
| #3 | uG.Railroad | 57% | 86 |
| #4 | tarquin | 56% | 111 |
| #5 | nok | 56% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | nok | 56% | 95 |
| #6 | weirdhoney | 53% | 49 |
| #7 | FanaticDuck | 51% | 47 |
| #8 | Minnesota fats | 48% | 23 |
| #9 | Koh:) | 45% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tarquin | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | FanaticDuck | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | BAGELS- | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | nok | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Creamy Nut♛ | 3 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | uG.Railroad | 387 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #2 | BAGELS- | 312 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #3 | weirdhoney | 257 | 0.27 | 7 min |
| #4 | tarquin | 135 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | FanaticDuck | 125 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BAGELS- | +2.28 | 82 | 60 |
| #2 | uG.Railroad | +1.07 | 81 | 65 |
| #3 | tarquin | +0.98 | 81 | 52 |
| #4 | weirdhoney | +0.67 | 85 | 68 |
| #5 | nok | +0.33 | 82 | 43 |





