








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 501 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 118 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2952 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,333 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3191 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3702 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1824 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2616 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,112,594 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 684 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | king | 70% | 33 |
| #2 | Yi Lon Ma | 59% | 27 |
| #3 | [Miku] Gabbah | 58% | 79 |
| #4 | isgoat | 58% | 50 |
| #5 | -taco- | 54% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FaLX | 18 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | -taco- | 9 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | .eiffaNN-- | 8 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | isgoat | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | king | 5 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FaLX | 436 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | [Miku] Gabbah | 309 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | -taco- | 301 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | .eiffaNN-- | 205 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | isgoat | 160 | 0.16 | 4 min |





