








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1598 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,903 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1672 | 43% |
| Smokes | 888 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 545 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 798 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $572,762 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 106 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slouv | 64% | 56 |
| #2 | Bongo Mo | 59% | 27 |
| #3 | CoachJal | 57% | 98 |
| #4 | Haychie | 54% | 85 |
| #5 | otter | 53% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haychie | 8 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Bongo Mo | 5 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | otter | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | CoachJal | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Station | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | otter | 216 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Haychie | 192 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | CoachJal | 167 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Anfronee Edmonds | 163 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Slouv | 116 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bagel | +2.39 | 61 | 56 |
| #2 | Slouv | +2.17 | 66 | 63 |
| #3 | otter | +1.69 | 77 | 63 |
| #4 | Haychie | +1.29 | 71 | 51 |
| #5 | beej | -0.21 | 66 | 56 |





