








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
429 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,254 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 430 | 34% |
| Smokes | 240 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 317 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 267 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $126,124 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gary "The Elo Terroist" | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | GandalfThePoint5 | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | Hakmed | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | BananaBaguette | 42% | 45 |
| #5 | Mike | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gary "The Elo Terroist" | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | GandalfThePoint5 | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | Hakmed | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | BananaBaguette | 42% | 45 |
| #5 | Mike | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hakmed | 2 | 0.0101 |
| #2 | Gary "The Elo Terroist" | 2 | 0.0163 |
| #3 | Mike | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | GandalfThePoint5 | 1 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BananaBaguette | 192 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | GandalfThePoint5 | 71 | 0.38 | 2 min |
| #3 | Mike | 27 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hakmed | 24 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | Gary "The Elo Terroist" | 12 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hakmed | +6.02 | 89 | 52 |
| #2 | Gary "The Elo Terroist" | +4.03 | 89 | 47 |
| #3 | Mike | +0.56 | 52 | 50 |
| #4 | BananaBaguette | +0.13 | 69 | 71 |
| #5 | Furious | +0.06 | 68 | 48 |





