








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 695 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 126 matches | 1,927 | |
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1790 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,706 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3054 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2029 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1978 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1645 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $590,068 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 270 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sim | 9 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | femboy | 5 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆ | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | dubbel v | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | jimShady | 2 | 0.0038 |





