










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1354 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 212 matches | 2,333 | |
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4237 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,673 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2454 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2199 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1926 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2094 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,352,483 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1005 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | dubbel v | 54% | 24 |
| #7 | Malaco | 52% | 21 |
| #8 | lukas | 48% | 31 |
| #9 | Xi Wu | 48% | 25 |
| #10 | Liz | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Liz | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Xi Wu | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #4 | Dumpalt | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | kurtaliz | 3 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | 524 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #2 | min ken | 246 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #3 | dubbel v | 210 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #4 | Liz | 142 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | Malaco | 134 | 0.23 | 3 min |





