








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1204 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,875 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 495 | 26% |
| Smokes | 269 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 621 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 490 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $275,114 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CruñCher yao | 464 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #2 | Coaran | 241 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Jiffy | 185 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | jonox | 146 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | sander | 68 | 0.27 | 1 min |





