








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
474 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,658 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 773 | 29% |
| Smokes | 734 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 603 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 548 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $263,452 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Raúl | 47% | 15 |
| #7 | Jaajoo | 46% | 24 |
| #8 | Brøndby | 45% | 33 |
| #9 | P1wDr3ng | 42% | 50 |
| #10 | Doggo #1 | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P1wDr3ng | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | ⭕⃤ | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Jaajoo | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⭕⃤ | 240 | 0.35 | 10 min |
| #2 | P1wDr3ng | 134 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Jaajoo | 62 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Brøndby | 61 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | ᖫAlexᖭ≧◉◡◉≦ | 54 | 0.23 | 1 min |





