








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 321 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1661 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,808 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2491 | 43% |
| Smokes | 1696 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 459 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 1162 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $538,549 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JP:) | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Bazookajoe | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | JohnDaly | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | ᖫAlexᖭ≧◉◡◉≦ | 51% | 74 |
| #5 | Raúl | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Jonnajules | 50% | 32 |
| #7 | Doggo #1 | 49% | 68 |
| #8 | Brøndby | 47% | 36 |
| #9 | P1wDr3ng | 47% | 53 |
| #10 | Jaajoo | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ᖫAlexᖭ≧◉◡◉≦ | 8 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Doggo #1 | 8 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | P1wDr3ng | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Jaajoo | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | JohnDaly | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ᖫAlexᖭ≧◉◡◉≦ | 303 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | Jonnajules | 165 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #3 | P1wDr3ng | 114 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jaajoo | 67 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | Brøndby | 66 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ᖫAlexᖭ≧◉◡◉≦ | +1.67 | 80 | 77 |
| #2 | ⭕⃤ | +1.50 | 61 | 84 |
| #3 | JP:) | +1.31 | 88 | 55 |
| #4 | Raúl | +1.29 | 74 | 65 |
| #5 | Jaajoo | -0.31 | 63 | 73 |





