








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 549 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 499 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Esplay | 13 matches | 1,701 | |
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 109 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4680 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,575 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4341 | 18% |
| Smokes | 6913 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 7123 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 6198 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,586,825 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 195 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guru Glenn | 55% | 71 |
| #2 | shake | 53% | 258 |
| #3 | who dis | 53% | 308 |
| #4 | FNURK | 53% | 537 |
| #5 | toffee | 52% | 480 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | FNURK | 53% | 537 |
| #5 | toffee | 52% | 480 |
| #6 | Huke | 52% | 66 |
| #7 | abdi | 48% | 31 |
| #8 | alphasnejken | 44% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toffee | 14 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | FNURK | 8 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | who dis | 5 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | shake | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Huke | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | toffee | 1754 | 0.17 | 43 min |
| #2 | FNURK | 1056 | 0.09 | 25 min |
| #3 | who dis | 541 | 0.08 | 14 min |
| #4 | shake | 487 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #5 | Guru Glenn | 296 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guru Glenn | +2.26 | 87 | 83 |
| #2 | toffee | +1.50 | 83 | 63 |
| #3 | shake | +1.30 | 84 | 56 |
| #4 | exotic snacks | +0.71 | 63 | 69 |
| #5 | FNURK | +0.12 | 60 | 62 |





