








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 448 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 515 matches | ||
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Esplay | 11 matches | 1,777 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 124 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6829 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,965 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6421 | 27% |
| Smokes | 6707 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5524 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 5313 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,450,943 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 228 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guru Glenn | 54% | 119 |
| #2 | shake | 53% | 206 |
| #3 | who dis | 52% | 246 |
| #4 | exotic snacks | 52% | 480 |
| #5 | FNURK | 52% | 473 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | who dis | 52% | 246 |
| #4 | exotic snacks | 52% | 480 |
| #5 | FNURK | 52% | 473 |
| #6 | alphasnejken | 51% | 75 |
| #7 | Huke | 46% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | exotic snacks | 6 | 0.0006 |
| #2 | FNURK | 5 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | who dis | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | shake | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Guru Glenn | 3 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | exotic snacks | 1190 | 0.11 | 34 min |
| #2 | FNURK | 902 | 0.09 | 22 min |
| #3 | who dis | 420 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #4 | Guru Glenn | 412 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #5 | shake | 391 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guru Glenn | +2.16 | 87 | 80 |
| #2 | toffee | +1.52 | 83 | 63 |
| #3 | shake | +1.16 | 83 | 57 |
| #4 | exotic snacks | +0.55 | 63 | 69 |
| #5 | FNURK | +0.05 | 60 | 62 |





