








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 675 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 350 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5899 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,642 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9636 | 35% |
| Smokes | 8180 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5459 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4367 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,479,125 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 218 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | τ4nel ⚠ | 59% | 61 |
| #2 | simmo | 50% | 309 |
| #3 | El Cappuccino (KELK) | 48% | 206 |
| #4 | shamash ジ | 46% | 59 |
| #5 | Atomso | 41% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | τ4nel ⚠ | 59% | 61 |
| #2 | simmo | 50% | 309 |
| #3 | El Cappuccino (KELK) | 48% | 206 |
| #4 | shamash ジ | 46% | 59 |
| #5 | Atomso | 41% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | simmo | 10 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | El Cappuccino (KELK) | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | τ4nel ⚠ | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Atomso | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | shamash ジ | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Cappuccino (KELK) | 558 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | simmo | 455 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #3 | Atomso | 232 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #4 | shamash ジ | 144 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | τ4nel ⚠ | 116 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | τ4nel ⚠ | +2.07 | 72 | 60 |
| #2 | Erk! | +1.27 | 62 | 67 |
| #3 | El Cappuccino (KELK) | +0.35 | 53 | 53 |
| #4 | simmo | -0.28 | 62 | 67 |
| #5 | Atomso | -0.49 | 57 | 74 |





