








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1002 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,280 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 961 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1059 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 505 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 755 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $495,732 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Audis | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | qern | 55% | 87 |
| #3 | Eriksen | 52% | 84 |
| #4 | Skruffe | 51% | 118 |
| #5 | Lars Petter | 50% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Skruffe | 51% | 118 |
| #5 | Lars Petter | 50% | 24 |
| #6 | SpoonerN | 50% | 48 |
| #7 | Mehh | 43% | 7 |
| #8 | jrN | 41% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skruffe | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Eriksen | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | qern | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | jrN | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | SpoonerN | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skruffe | 399 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | SpoonerN | 335 | 0.33 | 10 min |
| #3 | qern | 221 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | Eriksen | 74 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | jrN | 74 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Audis | +6.32 | 93 | 72 |
| #2 | Lars Petter | +2.54 | 85 | 70 |
| #3 | jrN | +2.23 | 83 | 61 |
| #4 | qern | +1.66 | 85 | 63 |
| #5 | SpoonerN | +0.69 | 66 | 70 |





