








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 201 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 78 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1101 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,009 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1885 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1749 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1889 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1486 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,470 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SmirHoF^ | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | 1smand | 54% | 112 |
| #3 | HASHIRAMA SENJU | 53% | 40 |
| #4 | DJdal | 49% | 108 |
| #5 | Bigmikelarry | 48% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Bigmikelarry | 48% | 101 |
| #6 | Dennis sg'u da | 47% | 93 |
| #7 | Breinholt | 47% | 117 |
| #8 | Dehlendorff | 46% | 13 |
| #9 | KGaard | 46% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJdal | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Dennis sg'u da | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Breinholt | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | 1smand | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | KGaard | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1smand | 426 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #2 | Breinholt | 322 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | DJdal | 265 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #4 | KGaard | 249 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | Bigmikelarry | 164 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1smand | +4.00 | 83 | 81 |
| #2 | HASHIRAMA SENJU | +2.80 | 66 | 73 |
| #3 | KGaard | +1.56 | 75 | 71 |
| #4 | DJdal | +1.15 | 58 | 74 |
| #5 | PartyKloVN | -0.85 | 48 | 66 |





