








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
538 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,676 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 833 | 31% |
| Smokes | 774 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 645 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 424 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $94,272 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BipoPtHCUAA9ZIn | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | bipo | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Alan Ivarsson | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Kvizten | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | [foam] STEFAN | 52% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Rick Owen's downtown flat | 50% | 44 |
| #12 | eek-a-mouse (thedongbone) | 47% | 19 |
| #13 | 1-800-BOYCOTT-ARIZONA | 40% | 5 |
| #14 | PRSK | 33% | 6 |
| #15 | crumb | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kvizten | 8 | 0.0127 |
| #2 | Rick Owen's downtown flat | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | [foam] STEFAN | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | eek-a-mouse (thedongbone) | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Alan Ivarsson | 1 | 0.0087 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nottna | 149 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #2 | Rick Owen's downtown flat | 83 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | Kvizten | 80 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | FIRESNAKE | 51 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | [foam] STEFAN | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BipoPtHCUAA9ZIn | +6.49 | 86 | 73 |
| #2 | bipo | +3.27 | 84 | 82 |
| #3 | nottna | +2.76 | 69 | 84 |
| #4 | 1-800-BOYCOTT-ARIZONA | +2.38 | 86 | 75 |
| #5 | Alan Ivarsson | +1.59 | 55 | 80 |





