








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 99 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
958 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,921 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 850 | 29% |
| Smokes | 764 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 620 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 687 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $531,437 of utility $217 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 168 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Miss Bob Stewart | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | Pyllynaama2 | 56% | 41 |
| #3 | Viikseen | 53% | 43 |
| #4 | bob24 | 52% | 81 |
| #5 | elukkaw | 51% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob24 | 7 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | CrackMan | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | SnakeMan | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Pyllynaama2 | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Miss Bob Stewart | 2 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob24 | 448 | 0.29 | 11 min |
| #2 | SnakeMan | 208 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #3 | Pyllynaama2 | 208 | 0.31 | 6 min |
| #4 | elukkaw | 165 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | vAPA | 156 | 0.20 | 5 min |





