








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 489 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 285 matches | ||
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4441 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,561 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10935 | 43% |
| Smokes | 6367 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2968 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 5291 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $619,406 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 413 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bmax | 61% | 71 |
| #2 | BeltFedBird | 58% | 38 |
| #3 | BOT Zohan | 57% | 35 |
| #4 | Hugh Janus | 56% | 103 |
| #5 | You A QT ♡ | 54% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | You A QT ♡ | 8 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | BOT Zohan | 4 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Hugh Janus | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | DnT | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | bmax | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bmax | 391 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #2 | Hugh Janus | 278 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | You A QT ♡ | 177 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #4 | DnT | 173 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | brinbran | 132 | 0.12 | 3 min |





