








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 277 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 308 matches | ||
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3059 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,734 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4758 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2542 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 4102 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3332 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,072,523 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 809 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FLippy B | 54% | 222 |
| #2 | Jersey Wick | 53% | 414 |
| #3 | jb1zzle | 50% | 111 |
| #4 | Rosa Parks | 47% | 116 |
| #5 | Willy B | 44% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jersey Wick | 53% | 414 |
| #3 | jb1zzle | 50% | 111 |
| #4 | Rosa Parks | 47% | 116 |
| #5 | Willy B | 44% | 54 |
| #6 | Study | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jersey Wick | 50 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | jb1zzle | 42 | 0.0185 |
| #3 | Willy B | 34 | 0.0299 |
| #4 | FLippy B | 20 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Rosa Parks | 10 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jersey Wick | 768 | 0.09 | 19 min |
| #2 | Rosa Parks | 450 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #3 | FLippy B | 322 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #4 | jb1zzle | 158 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Willy B | 118 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jersey Wick | +3.99 | 74 | 62 |
| #2 | jb1zzle | +3.22 | 85 | 50 |
| #3 | Willy B | +2.00 | 67 | 49 |
| #4 | Dome | -0.70 | 58 | 71 |
| #5 | FLippy B | -2.01 | 37 | 48 |





