








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 368 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 129 matches | ||
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




216 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5351 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,971 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2480 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3043 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2221 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2227 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,503,520 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 636 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FLippy B | 61% | 84 |
| #2 | Jersey Wick | 59% | 169 |
| #3 | Rosa Parks | 59% | 41 |
| #4 | r00[sz] | 58% | 45 |
| #5 | Willy B | 53% | 150 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jersey Wick | 59% | 169 |
| #3 | Rosa Parks | 59% | 41 |
| #4 | r00[sz] | 58% | 45 |
| #5 | Willy B | 53% | 150 |
| #6 | Dome | 50% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Willy B | 45 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Jersey Wick | 20 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Dome | 15 | 0.0066 |
| #4 | Rosa Parks | 10 | 0.0126 |
| #5 | FLippy B | 8 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dome | 339 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | Jersey Wick | 303 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | Willy B | 303 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | FLippy B | 137 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Rosa Parks | 136 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jersey Wick | +2.83 | 73 | 61 |
| #2 | jb1zzle | +1.59 | 81 | 53 |
| #3 | Willy B | +1.49 | 77 | 47 |
| #4 | r00[sz] | +0.55 | 75 | 57 |
| #5 | FLippy B | -1.12 | 44 | 47 |





