








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 195 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 152 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1525 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,726 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1517 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2305 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1472 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1432 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,539 of utility $57 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1236 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | King Dingus | 48% | 303 |
| #10 | Randezo | 48% | 92 |
| #11 | MadMike™ | 47% | 121 |
| #12 | NickyD | 43% | 171 |
| #13 | Jamezo | 31% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | King Dingus | 32 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | The Legend 27 | 15 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | MadMike™ | 10 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Beetle | 10 | 0.0086 |
| #5 | Frozen | 7 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | King Dingus | 627 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #2 | NickyD | 267 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | The Legend 27 | 247 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | MadMike™ | 210 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | Frozen | 185 | 0.08 | 6 min |





