








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 687 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 544 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 97 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3585 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,269 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6692 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3049 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 6063 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 3465 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,170,932 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1062 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lowskilled | 65% | 124 |
| #2 | Trash 3 | 59% | 41 |
| #3 | Trash 2 | 56% | 149 |
| #4 | Johnny-Anton | 54% | 102 |
| #5 | Sid3 | 50% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trash 2 | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Johnny-Anton | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Sid3 | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Trash 3 | 5 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | Buskas | 4 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny-Anton | 273 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #2 | Buskas | 262 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | W A V Y | 258 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Lowskilled | 197 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | Sid3 | 124 | 0.04 | 4 min |





