








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 87 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1005 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,297 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1068 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1214 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 942 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1073 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $303,348 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iseedumbpeople | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | VNko | 63% | 30 |
| #3 | \\\SAVI0N1/// | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | :) | 53% | 51 |
| #5 | VanDaLoo | 52% | 99 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VanDaLoo | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | crsdR | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | :) | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | VNko | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | NAik | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NAik | 200 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | VanDaLoo | 170 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | :) | 149 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | predator | 116 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | crsdR | 106 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iseedumbpeople | +1.98 | 66 | 74 |
| #2 | ManBlack⁶⁶⁶ | +1.81 | 82 | 66 |
| #3 | \\\SAVI0N1/// | +1.58 | 68 | 56 |
| #4 | strange | +1.05 | 78 | 57 |
| #5 | ✪v0Lx | +0.87 | 81 | 66 |





