








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1161 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 771 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9148 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,840 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6164 | 21% |
| Smokes | 9235 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 7858 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5583 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,403,200 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 201 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n ♿;. | 60% | 84 |
| #2 | Pjodric | 53% | 109 |
| #3 | Isolde Makacken | 53% | 81 |
| #4 | Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel | 52% | 73 |
| #5 | Nhiels | 50% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | 0 Fax ♿ | 47% | 433 |
| #12 | LoW | 47% | 45 |
| #13 | Kintaro Oe | 47% | 58 |
| #14 | Der Astronaut | 46% | 98 |
| #15 | ✪ Feaswake | 42% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 0 Fax ♿ | 19 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Ayran Man | 9 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Nhiels | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | HighestInTheLobby | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | MerliN | 5 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 0 Fax ♿ | 678 | 0.07 | 19 min |
| #2 | Ayran Man | 474 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #3 | Nhiels | 406 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #4 | n ♿;. | 310 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #5 | HighestInTheLobby | 230 | 0.06 | 7 min |





