








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 897 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4567 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,279 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3256 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2483 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2430 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3110 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,234,980 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 323 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kiwi | 83% | 65 |
| #2 | tej | 82% | 151 |
| #3 | The Constipated | 82% | 50 |
| #4 | Pat | 82% | 159 |
| #5 | joy simp | 80% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | BallerBjorn | 70% | 23 |
| #10 | GX | 70% | 23 |
| #11 | joo | 64% | 36 |
| #12 | Aloof | 64% | 44 |
| #13 | RHY | 56% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fflew | 30 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Pat | 27 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | tej | 18 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Vantage | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | The Constipated | 7 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fflew | 872 | 0.24 | 22 min |
| #2 | Pat | 623 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #3 | joy simp | 441 | 0.38 | 9 min |
| #4 | Adept | 378 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #5 | Vantage | 304 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | joy simp | +4.48 | 94 | 56 |
| #2 | tej | +3.84 | 85 | 59 |
| #3 | Fflew | +2.40 | 83 | 68 |
| #4 | The Constipated | +1.88 | 71 | 72 |
| #5 | Kiwi | +1.70 | 91 | 57 |





