








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 203 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2722 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,743 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1396 | 29% |
| Smokes | 903 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1147 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1297 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $979,177 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1264 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Green Eyes! | 62% | 69 |
| #2 | Bu11si | 56% | 32 |
| #3 | J' | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | Torch | 52% | 31 |
| #5 | ConTex | 48% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | ✪ ian | 44% | 16 |
| #8 | Tywah | 43% | 35 |
| #9 | Kelly | 39% | 109 |
| #10 | L'Washa | 36% | 69 |
| #11 | 5H0T5 | 32% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L'Washa | 19 | 0.0135 |
| #2 | 5H0T5 | 12 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | ConTex | 11 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | Tywah | 8 | 0.0110 |
| #5 | Green Eyes! | 5 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Green Eyes! | 311 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | ConTex | 189 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | L'Washa | 160 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Tywah | 143 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | 5H0T5 | 141 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tywah | +3.31 | 81 | 51 |
| #2 | J' | +2.74 | 76 | 68 |
| #3 | 5H0T5 | +1.60 | 70 | 69 |
| #4 | Green Eyes! | +1.33 | 50 | 68 |
| #5 | Torch | +0.78 | 84 | 70 |





