








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1158 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 305 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6139 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,292 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7099 | 39% |
| Smokes | 4036 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3435 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 3722 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,595,064 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 602 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Teimo | 50% | 403 |
| #6 | Manatser | 47% | 259 |
| #7 | Mc | 44% | 131 |
| #8 | Lil Hamad | 42% | 64 |
| #9 | not gay | 30% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teimo | 40 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Manatser | 27 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Tiirasleep | 10 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | analithappi | 10 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | Lil Hamad | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teimo | 1684 | 0.21 | 47 min |
| #2 | Manatser | 784 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #3 | Tiirasleep | 404 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #4 | Mc | 278 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #5 | analithappi | 245 | 0.22 | 7 min |





